I was training for a Marathon, so I would go to CrossFit in the morning, and then run for hours at night. I was terrified of eating carbs (and food in general), I abused my Adderall prescription to help me not eat, and spent most of my days obsessing over food/my appearance.
I stopped running and eventually chased competitive CrossFit. In 2016, our team qualified for the CrossFit Regionals in South Central. I purposely bulked up to 137-138 lbs. I could move heavy weights and was a force to reckoned with…
… But I was always obsessing over MyFitnessPal, constantly hungry, would wake up multiple times a night, limited myself to 1800-2000 calories (despite training hours a day – stupid), took Tupperware to pool parties/restaurants, my hair was falling out by the handful, I chronically felt “tired but wired,” drank too much caffeine, my joints perpetually ached, my thyroid + sex hormones were non-existent, digestion was horrible, & sex drive = 0. I was really, really miserable.
As I began my journey to healing, I learned an incredibly important fact that my doctors forgot to mention: that hormonal birth control might be inhibiting my thyroid health, contributing to my gut problems, and contributing to my depression and anxiety. I eventually learned that the way I was working out wasn’t conducive to my health or my goals. I was tirelessly smashing my body into the floor with high intensity exercise and confused why my body didn’t reflect all the hard work I was putting in the gym, confused why my hormones were a wreck, and confused why I couldn’t get feeling better.
No one ever told me that you should feel better after you leave the gym. That you don’t have to leave yourself rolling around on the floor to have a good workout. That it’s not normal to be a total zombie after you workouts. And that if a good physique is the goal, bodybuilding forever reigns king.
I don’t know what I weigh these days. But I can tell you I don’t stress over my food or exercise much. Getting off hormonal birth control was one of the best things I ever did for myself. And learning to do LESS changed my life.
Present day, I bodybuild and lift 4-5 times a week for 60-75 minutes. I work with a functional doctor to manage my thyroid and hormone health. I still track my food, but certainly have days where I don’t. 2,400-2,500 calories seems to be the sweet spot for maintaining and it’s where I live more than anything (I’m 5’3).
We’ve come a long way from the girl with an eating disorder that went to college for a degree in food, nutrition, and dietetics. I’ve learned so many things the hard way, and I wouldn’t wish what I’ve been through on anyone. But if I could do anything different, I’m not sure that I would.
Sharing my own personal health and fitness journey has enabled me to reach thousands and thousands of people around the world and get them to question and analyze the way they view their nutrition, exercise, and lifestyle habits.
I found my healing in 12+ years of coaching and educating others. I’m still finding it every day ♥️
Ps: Paragon Training Methods is my whole world. We founded Paragon as I was bouncing back from shoulder surgery, transitioning of hormonal birth control, and deep in the shit of all my health and hormone problems. Fast forward to present day, we’re helping thousands of people around the globe be strong, well-fed, and more badass.